A Brief History:)

Hello people of my blog:)

I haven't posted in about 6 months ~ Sorry! But today is a special day! I have been wanting to write this post for YEARS. I have imagined it and gone through it so many times in my head, it's something that I have never really explained to anyone or said out loud.

Basically, I like to think I grew up and went through my teenage years around 9-12, that was the time I grew the most, physically and mentally. I was a very early developer, I had acne as you all know and while everyone else in my year at primary school (yes, primary) was small, slim, cute etc etc... I felt tall and fat. I wasn't fat though, and now I'm one of the smaller ones. But I felt it, and that was much, much worse.

It's hard to admit, but I went through a time of self-loathing. I hated myself, and felt so jealous so easily. I was outgoing, pretty and happy when I was younger, and most of my friends still were, except me. I was maturing so quickly. I often took out my hatred and jealousy by putting others down, mostly in my head though, to feel better about myself and tougher. At the time, I was also obsessed with popularity. I wanted to be loved by everyone and get people's attention. This hateful spiral got be a bit of a reputation in people's heads, I'm not saying everyone thought I was horrible, but it was like if I had said something that could have gone either way, they would take it the wrong way. Because of this, something happened that really did hurt me. Without saying much, everyone I knew was hating and blaming me for something I hadn't done. At the time, I felt so lonely. I wanted to move schools, but I told myself not to, it was like giving up. Now, looking back, I realize how lucky I really was. I was smart and talented. But I hated almost everyone for what happened, for the blame and hatred, which I bet even now, some people who haven't heard of me since then still believe.

Now, I can forgive those people. I can see why they would blame me - it was easy. Most of them thought what they were doing was right, that they were putting down some bully and not someone who was innocent and being bullied themselves. I would probably do the same.

I also forgive the people - one in particular - who blamed me. There's no way on earth they could have seen what it would have been like for me. They believed this and they were doing what they thought was right too.

After that, I tried to recover, but still felt so lonely. I ended up leaving my friendship group, made up of me and two other girls. One of those girls is a good friend of mine today, who I speak to all of the time. She was also one of the people who blamed me for a separate incident, which speaking honestly, wasn't my entire fault. I didn't say what she thought I had said, but I had encouraged it, and I apologized a little excessively for at the time. That phone call I got from her just totally breaks my heart to think of, when she told me she wouldn't be walking to school with me anymore because of what she thought I had said.

I made it through to the end of primary school and into high school, feeling bored, hated and exhausted. I see now that I didn't have it that bad at all, it could have been a million times worse, but it felt like hell to me. I felt so sorry for myself, I would be ashamed feeling like that nowadays.

I lost all confidence through those years. I was so sure of myself as a kid. I was also a bit of a sheep. Someone made fun of me for wearing a skirt, so I switched to trackies for about two years. I was so self-conscious, I thought the only way for people to like me was to be a complete and utter sheep - gossiping, wearing trousers (strange trend), when really I wanted to be a total geek/kiss up and wear dresses and skirts all of the time.

I also ate a lot of sweets and crisps, gaining weight I'm still trying to get rid of now.

All in all, it wasn't a good time. Many people suffer this through their teenage years - so I like to think those were mine, and now I'm on my way to being an adult. 

********************************************************

Now you might be thinking, why? If you were like this only a few years ago, why do you keep saying "Now I would feel..." and "Thinking back...". Well the answer is - Youtube.

Youtube totally and completely changed my life.

One day I opened up youtube, about 3 or so years ago. The video on the homepage was called 'Cooking with charlie' uploaded by charlieissocoollike. I looked at all of the likes, views, comments. When I saw him, I thought he wasn't that good looking, he was a bit of a geek with a strange English accent. But, he had all of these people saying how they loved him and thought he was cute and how funny he was.

After Charlie, I watched bubzbeauty. Even now, I cannot explain how much she changed me. I can't explain how she made me love myself, how she made me realize I could be different from everyone else, how I didn't have to care what people thought to be liked. Her video, "What makes me beautiful", brings tears to my eyes now even just thinking about it. I remember watching it and just crying my eyes out. I suddenly saw what I'd been doing wrong all those years. She taught me to be everything I value so much today.

That's why I would tell people to watch youtube, in case they were going through the same things as me. I would feel genuinely offended when people didn't like bubz, because she was like my sister and my idol in one. It sounds cliche, but she absolutely saved me.

People made fun of me, much more than they had before. But the difference was - I didn't care. I didn't care at all. Bubz taught me how those people thought, how they could be jealous, or the same I used to feel - hating myself. Bubz taught me to forgive these people and forget them. But watching that bubz video wasn't like a little *click* of a switch that changed my life forever. No, watching that video was the door to a journey.

Since then, all I've been doing is improving myself. Before I had aspirations for careers only. Now, I have aspirations for my personality and style too. Things that matter, even more than just a job, happiness, security in your own mind. It brought out my incredibly ambitious, creative, hard-working, competitive side. Before I just got by in school, but now I put in extra work and set my own goals, like learning Japanese, improving my fitness, learning piano at home etc. It's not all just for getting into uni anymore , I honestly have a love for achieving and working really hard to get places.

Straight after watching the bubz video, my first goal was to let go and become my own person. No more following trends - I wanted my own style. I soon realized that it didn't matter what clothes I wore, my personality will always make the biggest impact. But, I have discovered in more recent times that I can wear different clothes and hair for confidence, instead of just looking pretty. Noticing this helped me to understand the 'sluts' who wear tight and/or short clothing and tops. I realized that although those girls weren't really dressing appropriately, that those clothes gave them confidence. Maybe the confidence they need, just like I do. My confidence comes from wearing my own style of clothes, their comes from wearing cropped tops and tight skirts. I don't necessarily approve, but I can at least understand them, and that was a big step for me.

Another big change that came was my outlook. I realized - a lot of it came from watching animes and Korean dramas actually (mostly because the typical Asian way of life is just totally respectful and generally much better than us brits in my opinion) - that even simple things, like going to school, having the opportunity to do well, having friends, nice clothes, getting the bus in the morning - stupid little things - really made such a difference. Suddenly I appreciated every tiny little thing, I saw the good in every situation even the really bad ones. Everything was a learning experience on my journey.

Maybe one of the biggest changes of all was my friends. Leaving that group behind was hard, but it was so worth it. I felt hated in that group, I felt unhappy. Bubz told me to surround myself with people that are positive, that make me happy, that don't argue or talk about me behind my back. I wasn't sure how to go about this. I just thought that no teenage girls like that existed, because of my experiences in the past. But they do.

It sounds so sappy... but I met my best friend when I was most in need. I haven't ever told her how important she was to me, and still is. It sounds so cliche. I know. I had no clue at the time she would become that to me. She said she wanted to be my friend the day I smiled at her in the dinner hall, something bubz had told me to do. Smile at strangers, you might just change their day. But no - it backfired and changed mine.

Now I have a group of friends I am so comfortable in. We are all alike, we came from different groups. Remember that friend I mentioned I still talk to? She isn't in this group, but it's hard to explain, she's in like another group who sit in the same room as us at lunch times and we talk between the groups a lot. My group consists of 5 girls, who wouldn't hurt a fly. Just seeing them in the morning brightens my day, no matter how scared I am, no matter how anxious I feel. Now and again I sink back into that mindset of feeling lonely and hopeless, but it disappears as soon as I spend 5 minutes with them.

I see how lucky I am now. I have everything I could ever wish for in my wildest dreams. I couldn't be much happier, and I will continue to be happy as long as I am on this journey and long after I feel like I've completed it, whether that be 1, 5, 10 or 50 years to come, I believe eventually I will be 100% happy with myself. Right now, I am working on thinking about what I say before I speak (I have been a little rash recently), and when I first started all this, I took a pact to never gossip about people. I'm not saying I've been gossiping as such, but I have been a little on the mean side without even realizing it, that I will try to stop immediately. I'm also working on my fitness with blogilates videos, my style by adding TONS of cute Summer skirts and dresses to my wardrobe - which I am NO LONGER AFRAID TO WEAR:)

Overall, I cannot thank bubz, my friends and my supportive family for

A) Generally kicking my backside, never again will I feel sorry for myself or pity myself
B) Changing my perspective - No sad living-in-poverty-kid-adverts would equal what you have all done
C) Putting up with me when I was a big downer:(

Nowadays, the only thing I feel angry about really is when people don't appreciate things like school or their friends, the things I wouldn't have appreciated back then. I don't have myself for it though, without it I would have grown up as any other teenager, been totally normal, made my way through school, get myself some boring job, married, kids, dead. But no! Not now! The way I see it - You only have ONE LIFE. one. That is it. If you do not take the bull by the horns now, you don't grasp every opportunity, see every sight, go on every trip, stick your hand up for every question - You are not living fully. And, when you are old and grey with little life left in you, all those times when you were 16 saying 'No because I cant be bothered', all the times you skived, all the times you gossiped or cried over what someone said to you will be totally meaningless. All you will think about are the good times. The strange days that were so random, like you wake up at 6am and decide to start a daily fitness routine (me) and end up loving it, or the days you get taken out of class and told you're helping out at a transition day for P7s in PE and get put up for a saltire award for it (me), or maybe the day you got lost for 9 hours on a mountain at Duke of Edinburgh because you can't follow bearings (my group)... I will remember all that.

What about you? What will you think of? What random crazy days will you have? What tiny little experiences that end up changing your life, like a 9 minute youtube video, or a smile from someone in the dinner hall will you experience? It could happen tomorrow... or next week... or next month, but I can assure you, if you absolutely go for life like I have, then you will experience your fair share of memories.

Look forward to it.:)

Until next time! ~

Lisa

All Acne Problems - Sorted!

Hey everyone!
I've been meaning to write this post for a long time. I've also been hoping to have the chance to!

I had bad skin and acne problems starting from when I was around 9-13. I can remember everything clearly still, I know now what I did wrong and how I fixed my problem. I developed around 2 years before anyone else in my class, so I honestly had nobody to talk to about my skin, growth spurts, hormones etc. It was a difficult time as other complications arose during this phase. Luckily, things slowed down in high school and I had a real chance to be happy and to get my skin in order for good!

I read so many posts about acne prior to this, and barely any helped. I decided, as a 'survivor' myself, to let you know how I got rid of my spots for good!

Incidentally, it runs in the family. My Dad is in his 40s and still has spots. You might be thinking, spots only happen in teenagers, there's no way a 40 year old man could suffer the same, but it's true!
Acne is caused by

A) Pubescent hormones
B) Oily/Greasy skin
C) An allergic reaction/Outside irritations

Let's start off with some ways to deal with pubescent hormones. My skin was caused by all three of the above, so it is likely yours will be from any 1, 2 or 3 of these reasons.

I'll structure this like so: 

How to deal with Pubescent Hormones
How to deal with Oily/Greasy skin
How to spot/deal with outside irritations  
My steps - How I got rid of my acne
Products that work/don't work
Feedback/Results
General Notes from whole post


Pubescent Hormones

This cause is the most likely. around 80% of teenagers suffer from spots or acne. The Problem: No matter how many creams you slap on your skin, they keep coming back. Your internal hormones are most active as a teenager, about it's safe to say 100% of teenagers feel the effect of them. It could be strong feelings, mood swings, tiredness/hyper energetic, etc etc. One of the biggest results of these hormones is acne.

What can you do?

• Just for girls - Taking birth control pills can actually help reduce acne, help with pain or heaviness with periods, and also acts as an effective contraception from pregnancy. Not to mention, scientists have proved that taking the birth control pill can reduce three types of cancers by 50%! (Not sure which three, but heard it in P.S.E video earlier)
• For all - Taking lymecycline 408g, (or something similar), prescribed by your doctor. I am lucky enough to like in the UK, where medicine is free. I was also given a cream, Duac, I will talk more about later on!
• Keeping face generally clean, wiping off makeup, washing face at least twice a day etc, can stop acne coming back often!

Oily/Greasy Skin

The natural state of your skin can be a big problem. Some have very dry skin, and if combined with acne, can be unsightly. However, if acne is dried out, the spots can be reduced in size and will eventually disappear, therefore, oily skin is a much bigger problem. 

Oily skin is a problem for me. Many times a week, I'm told I need to redo my powder or use blotting sheets.

The oils in your skin will infiltrate the spots, anything oily or full of bacteria will only make your skin much worse.

What can you do?

• Wear very light makeup, oily skin is easier to deal with and in general, makeup will irritate your acne. The first step I took proved this, I will explain later. At the moment, I use Clinique Almost Powder, Shade 01. Although it's called 'Almost Powder' I use it as light as a powder and nothing else.
• Do Not Use Soap If you did as much research as I when I was trying to find out how to help out my oily skin, you'll have seen this millions of times. Try using a facial cleanser instead, also, it helps if you don't rub your face with the towel and pat it dry instead. 
• I've found that splashing my face with cold water helps. Usually if I've taken off my makeup, a splash of cold water can help to smooth your skin and especially if your acne is painful or aching, the cold water will numb it. 
• DO NOT Touch your face. Keep your hands, hair and everything else out the way. I promise this was actually one of the hardest, yet most rewarding things I had to do.

Outside Irritations/Reactions

For me, I had a reaction often to my bed covers. I also had reactions from soaps and clearasil cleansers.

Irritations are fairly easy to handle, what the annoying thing to do is to try and spot them. (it's a pun) ;)

Here are some tips to spotting and dealing with various irritants:

• Change your fabric conditioner, wash your bedsheets, etc. My problem was the bed sheets weren't washed often enough, but at one point the stuff my mum uses to wash my clothes and bedsheets was irritating my skin.
• Change your makeup brands, a problem I noticed literally about 2 days ago, was I was using an old powder. It made my skin break out severely and I had a few big spots, and underneath were tiny bumps over a few different patches of my skin. Make sure to 1. Wash your makeup brushes 2. Don't use the same foundation or powder for more than 4 months-ish and 3. Remove it properly
• Try changing things like your soap or anything that you use on your face. I found that a Clearasil product, designed to get rid of acne, was causing about half the problem a few years back. So even things that are supposed to help, can take a turn for the worse. 

My Steps - How I Got Rid Of My Acne

For me, my acne was a small problem at first, that just got worse and worse. I felt so bad about myself for years, I had trouble talking to people in fear of them seeing my skin. Even as it got better, it was still pretty bad, that's when I started to take action. Here's a timeline of my acne:

9 Years old - Developed acne

                     Touched face too often 

                      Used products, many didn't ever work

                     Used a thick foundation to try and hide them 

10 Years old - Acne worsens

                       Bed Sheets begin to irritate skin 

                       Someone says my face 'looks like a volcano site'

11 Years old - Stress/other problems worsen skin 

                        Soap and Clearasil irritate skin, breaking out further

12 Years old - Into High school 

                       My best friend (Hey Kerry;)) labels me as 'spotty'

                       I meet a few friends with the same problem 

13 Years old - I decide to get rid of it  

                       

October 2011 - Begin Clinique 'Anti-Blemish' skin set

                          Stop wearing foundation completely

                          First prescription on Duac and Lymecycline

January 2012 - Beginning to see results

June 2012 - First day of clear skin 

September 2012 - Off medication 

October 2012 - No longer needing Clinique sets

I also have some pictures of my 'transformation' 

There aren't many however, I didn't keep the pictures of when it was really bad.

December 2011                     

August 2012

As you can see, the pictures are very different!:)

Products That Work/Don't Work 

For me these are the products that worked:

Oxy 10 (Over the counter)

Duac (Prescribed)
Lymecycline (Prescribed Pills)
Nuetrogena Visibly Clear 8 Hours Acne Treatment
Clinique Anti-Blemish Skin Care Set (Cleanser, Toner, Moisturiser)
Clinique Spot Gel

Products that didn't work:

Freederm
Clearasil (All Products)
Any shop brand's own (I tried a few)
Nuetrogena Visibly Clear Daily Scrub
Boots Skin Clear Rapid Action Gel
Clean & Clear Products

Feedback/Results

Basically, it took around 6 months for my treatments to start working, but I saw the benefits very quickly after they did! My spots hardly ever come back now!
My friends and family have all told me how much clearer and better I look now! Make sure you are very patient with your treatments, because I was impatient I'd make rash decisions and give up on some products too quickly, I haven't listed the products I did that with here just in case they were to work in the future.
My friend Eilidh is the one who recommended the Clinique set!
My Mum was the one who recommended I visit the doctors to get a professional opinion, they doctors are very helpful with skin, if you are patient (another pun) they will definitely go away eventually with help from a doctor!

Notes (Summary of tips)

* Be Patient with products
* Visit the doctors for the best help
* Try using Lymecycline or Birth Control pills
* Drink plenty of fluids
* Do Not touch your face
* Check your acne isn't cause by something external
* Wear light or no makeup
* Do not wear old makeup
* Clean your makeup brushes (Fairy Liquid and Hot water)
* Keep face clean

Thank you very much for reading my post:)

Until next time!

- Lisa xx

My Favourite Anime Series'!

Hey! It's been ages!

I've uploaded some new videos on my channel(s) since -cough- err May when I last posted!

Since I've been gone, I've watched a lot of Animes and a lot of K-dramas! I'm going to share my favourite animes now:)

1. Death note

Usually, this kind of anime isn't what I'd like. But honestly
Death Note is just incredible. When it finished, I was shaking with emotions it was just epic! I'm really interested by the characters L and Near, I'm trying to find out as much as I can about them. The story is incredible, the characters are fantastic, I love how they develop. And FYI, Matsuda is too attractive^^



2. Fruits Basket

I learnt a lot from Fruits Basket, it was the anime I watched straight after Death Note, which would normally mean that everything else is a let-down, but it still wasn't. From Tohru, I learnt so much about being a good person! I love the mysterious characters and the story lines within it, Tohru is adorable and the anime isn't the usual style of characters, it's different and interesting!

I'd definitely recommend this to people getting into anime, starting with Death Note may be a mistake because most animes won't seem as good, but I got a lot out of Fruits basket and I am planning on re-watching it this Christmas!




3. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

I actually got into this Anime sort-of
accidentally! I bought the film that was supposed to be the end of the 2nd season, watched it and loved it! So I decided to watch the series and it took me no time- I love it! I know some people might find Haruhi annoying but I actually think she'd be a lot of fun! And I really fancy Koysumi... like a lot. The stories are really cool, and the animation is very unique, makes me feel quite peaceful:') I also love the start of the opening theme!

4. Ouran High School Host Club

The first time I watched this series, I wasn't that interested. I got to about episode 5 and gave up. But, it got more popular about 6 months after and i decided to give it another go. I ended up loving it so much, I have laughed so much!
I love Honey! Although, he made me obsessed with rabbits and I'm getting a teddy and calling it Usa-chan and I don't care how sad it is!
I also like the deep stories underneath the light-heartenedness, although many say it's a comedy, it can be quite dark!
The one flaw I'd say, is the lack of (non homo-erotic or pedoish) love, I could've seen a little more with Haru-chan!

5. Suzuka 

Suzuka isn't a very well-known anime I believe, but I've really enjoyed it. I re-watched it pretty much straight after I finished it. Although, the characters can get slightly frustrating, like how suzuka can't just accept that Yamato likes her and Yamato can't just keep off of her for a while so she wants him back and blah blah...
Anyway, interesting anime, he moves to a new place and lives next door to Asahina Suzuka who he falls in love with, but it's not quite as typical as that:)


What I'm watching at the moment!


Anime: Angel Beats!

I'm not sure whether it's good or not, I've only watched a couple of episodes, but it's definitely no Fruits Basket! It's a strange idea, but somehow quite addicting and I'm looking forward to watching more ^^

On-Going Anime: Little Busters!

This anime recently begun and I'm currently waiting for an English subtitled version of episode 6 to be uploaded. I saw it trending on the Japanese trending tweets once, and decided to take a look. It's shown in Japan on Saturday and uploaded on Sunday here. It's good so far, the characters are cute and I loved the first few episodes although the more recent ones aren't quite as good.

K-Drama: Dream High (Re-watch)

I love Dream High because it's like the K-pop Glee ^^
I really like the characters, the music is also good, dream high 2
 is nowhere near as good but still enough to finish it.
Go Hye Mi changes a lot, and I love the end of episode 8

-SPOILER!-

When Kim Pil Sook (Played by IU, my fave!) loses all of her weight and looks stunning!



Animes I didn't enjoy


School Rumble 


To be honest, I actually liked school rumble, but for some reason, I didn't finish it. It was cute to watch and had some interesting characters, but it could be one of the ones I go back to like OHSC, and I might end up enjoying it. I got about half-way through and decided it would be best to start another for a while.
I will try watching it again in a while, I might enjoy it a second time round!
Also, the theme tune is really catchy. It plays in my head about twice a day.




Chobits

Again, I may come back to this one. I like the story, it's different and interesting, but it just didn't catch my interest and I haven't ended up finishing it. It's not a bad anime, but its just not that interesting to me! I would still recommend trying it though, it does make you think a bit about human relationships as Chi is a robot and the main character kind of likes her and etc.



                
Lucky Star

I don't want to sound mean, but this anime was really boring. I watched the first five episodes and nothing happened! I really didn't like it. I dunno. Maybe something more exciting happens later on, but from what I saw I don't think I'll give it another go.
Sorry if you are a fan!


 Shuffle                                                                      



This was my first ever 'proper' anime series. Before, I'd seen Pokemon, Avatar and the movie Spirited Away and that was it. I decided that anime looked cool and I wanted to know what all the hype was about and started on Shuffle. The first half of the series was ok, it definitely got me interested in anime, but the second half went mental and it was too much for my virginal-anime brain to handle. After this, I stopped with anime for a while, decided it wasn't for me. Then Death Note happened... and I realized I love watching nothing better!






Thanks for reading my anime posts, hope to post again soon!